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My husband, his ex-girlfriend, his mistress, and the woman he has pregnant now.

My husband, his ex-girlfriend, his mistress, and the woman he has pregnant now... sounds like a long title for my next book, huh? Don't worry, that isn't the title for my next book. That isn't the title for a book at all. It's not fiction. It's my life. This is what my life has come to. In case you didn't follow me on my old website, under the tab Nikki's Musings, you can find old personal diary entries I kept when I found out my husband had been cheating on me. My marriage all but disintegrated right before my eyes. Poof! Up in smoke it went.  That happened back in September of 2012. It has been almost three years later and I'm still dealing with the backlash.

I just found out he's expecting another child. No, not by me, not by the ex, and no(LOL), not by the mistress. He's expecting a child with another woman. I have no idea who she is. I only have a name which my six year old daughter gave me. By the way, she also gave me the news that she had a little sister coming. I'd no idea to be honest. This news shouldn't have any bearings on me, right? It does; however, I can't explain what I feel other than numbness. I'm not angry. I'm not saddened or upset. I feel...numb. I feel as if I'm standing in the middle of the desert alone at night with only me, the stars, and whatever critters are teetering about.

There are a lot of things missing from this story, like what the ex-girlfriend has to do with any of this. Well, I'll say this, Ms. D. Smith is a bigger woman than I am. Because she was one of the women who came to my rescue when my husband walked out on me. She didn't have a lot. She came with a bottle of tequila (or was it vodka?), a forgiving heart, and a shoulder to cry on. In her own words, she told me she held no ill will toward me although she could have. She could have very well turned the tables on me and rubbed it in my face that the way I got him is the way I lost him. My ex, EJH, would probably be glad to hear that my marriage has gone to hell too. After all, I did cheat on him with my husband. Now that doesn't take away from the fact that EJH himself was a brother who couldn't be truthful about his attraction to women AND men, but that's not a story for this day...

Just as I will share the story of how Ms. D. Smith and I came to be better acquainted after the whole mess on another day. Oh, wait, I forgot about one person, my husband's mistress! She crosses my mind often. She was just nineteen at the time. She had a three year old son. She was so gullible and believed every lie my husband had told her. So upon meeting me, imagine her surprise that I wasn't the monster my husband made me out to be. The last time I spoke to her, she called me in the middle of the night to apologize to me once more for having an affair with my husband. This was after he'd abandoned both of us and went back home to New York. She was pregnant when he left, she told me. Later, she decided to have an abortion because she was already a young mother and couldn't afford another child. Yes, she was wrong for what she'd done, but I took the time to mentor her a bit instead of "whipping her ass" like so many people told me to do.

I've been young, dumb, and full of cum before. I've been snared by the good looks and smooth talking of a man ten years my senior before too. There was no need for me to take my anger out on her as she hadn't said any vows to me. I don't want to keep rambling... I guess you can call my marriage a dream deferred for now...

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“He’s getting married!”
“What?”
“Jamie… he’s getting married,” I repeated frantically.
There was a wild look of panic in my eyes, I was sure. My whole world seemed to be crashing down around me. Nothing prepared me for the news that the man I still loved was about to walk down the aisle and make another woman his wife. Kay had to catch me in her arms before my legs gave out on me. For four years I’d been trying to come to grips with the fact that I’d let a good man get away.
Jamie and I had been together for almost two years before I’d cheated on him with my son’s father’s best friend. I’d met Jamie while I was head over heels in love with Aric. Even after finding out Aric was married, I held on to hope that he and I could be together. That was until his wife, Stephanie, tried to kill me and my son while I was pregnant with him. Even then, it took a while for me to see that Aric and I just weren’t meant to be together.
I finally saw that Jamie was the man I needed. Everything was g…